So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
