Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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