I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
