I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
