babies were throwing up all over the place
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize