Pappa wants mamma naked
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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