you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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