Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
