some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
