Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
my poor anus
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I'm always down for nudity.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize