I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
