And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Someone signed my nipple.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
