Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
