cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
