Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
