Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize