sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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