He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
