i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
