every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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