i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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