This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
There's even glitter on my cock...
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