Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
