Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
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