Cold hands, warm shart.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
