i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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