omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
