I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
