apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Randomize
