i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
