My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
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