the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
