Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
