Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Randomize
