Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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