remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
