No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
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