I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
