apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize