Define "chronic" masturbator.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
