i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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