As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
