i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
