; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
