the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
