then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
