we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
