Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Randomize
