Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
