I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
