dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
did i walk over a car last night?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
