i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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