respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize