i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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