Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
