i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
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