Nicole vs. Life
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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