Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
