I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Randomize
