There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
