If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
