No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
