**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
