dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
