She announced her abortion via fbk
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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