I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
