Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
