nut hugger
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize