A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
My bed is full of blood and feathers
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
