Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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