I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize