Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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