I wish I only lived at night.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Randomize
