He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Don't tell me you're on acid again
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize