Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
